What is toxic positivity?

I love this question because it is directly related to trauma recovery and I will speak to this question from that perspective.

Toxic positivity refers to expressions and perspectives that favour an overtly positive mindset and pleasant emotions, whilst dismissing or downplaying peoples’ lived experience of challenging thoughts, emotions and experiences. 

This superficial level of thinking sugarcoats over the top of deeply challenging experiences. It also assumes what another person is going through without actually listening to their experience. This in turn downplays another person’s actual living experience in the moment and despite good intentions can cause further harm and hinder a persons’ trauma recovery.

From a trauma perspective, these types of expression ignore the complexities of the layers of trauma that people experience. The result can further cement the feeling that “something is wrong with me.” People may find themselves feeling inadequate and “different” because they find themselves unable to just “think positively” and “get through it.” This is particularly real for people who are experiencing complex trauma.

It also points to an idea that uncomfortable or challenging feelings are bad or wrong and that we shouldn’t allow ourselves to feel what comes up. This can lead to very unhealthy coping mechanisms that centre positivity over reality. 

For survivors of abuse, this is particularly damaging and may lead to people experiencing deep shame for their uncomfortable or challenging emotions.

The reality is that life is a sometimes uncomfortable and challenging. Sometimes people experience things that are deeply traumatic and they need time to embark on trauma recovery and work on the different layers of experiences they are affected by. 

Allowing people the space to move through challenging thoughts, feelings and sensations is much more supportive. 

It is NEVER up to someone else to determine how another person “should” view, feel or recover from their own experience.

Only the person themselves truly know what it is like for them and their autonomy and dignity must always be respected. This means that people need the opportunity to process their experience, without the pressure of having to “be positive” or feel pressured to justify their thoughts or feelings.

The anti-dote is compassionate listening and support. 
When we listen with compassion and be there for someone in their experience, we create a space of connection and support, which is so very important for trauma recovery.

Normalising seeking external support is also important as many people do not seek support because of shame and stigma around mental well being. 

I work as a trauma therapist which means I specialise in trauma recovery, using a range of evidence based modalities. I also have a lived experience of PTSD (or post traumatic stress response, as I prefer to call it) and trauma recovery.

Please feel welcome to contact me if you would like to find out more about how trauma recovery may benefit you.

Image description: Black background with a white graphic of a women with her head down resting on her bent knees. White text, “Everything happens for a reason, the past is the past, just be in the moment, just focus on the positive, just be greatful for what you have, do some self-care and you will feel better in no time, your triggers are a blessing in disguise. www.glowwellbeing.com.au”